Lexicon of Stupidity

Just a quickie.

One of my favorite sayings ever: "It's always in the last place you look."

If you can't tell why this is stupid, you should probably leave.

---------------

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I have had several conversations recently where clients have wanted to change some or all of the functionality of their site, but were absolutely insulted by the idea that they might have to pay for it.

They think that all the time it takes me or my coworkers to make these changes should be included. No one would think to ask a mechanic to tune their engine or re-gear their transmission and then get caught off guard by them expecting to be paid for the changes. So why would someone expect their friendly neighborhood web developer to change their site for free.

I am developing a Universal Theory of Internet Clients and I believe this supports two of the points. Clients believe that "The Internet is Magic" and "They are special."

The clients are firmly convinced that the internet is magic. It sounds silly but here is my proof. Clients call me with an issue and expect me to be able to solve it with out even explaining what is wrong. They will only explain how what ever is wrong is affecting them. "I can't get my email." "I don't see my site." "The internet turned my screen blue." I seriously get voicemails with the words "the internet is broken" in them.

As long as clients believe that the internet is magic, they will also believe that the solution to their problem is magic. They won’t even try to fix their own problem. Instead they think to themselves “Hey, I don’t know magic. Only a technical support magician can fix this.” This leads to frustration when the support tech needs information from the client. “This guy sucks at magic! Maybe I should find a new magician.”

Also, since everyone grew up being told that they were special they believe they are special. For some reason logic breaks through the confusion only after the client has accepted this fallacy as fact. I think it has something to do with everything working in their favor if this is true.

Logically, special people deserve special attention. And if a special person has a special opinion, it must be right (or else it wouldn’t be special). Even more important special people should never have to pay for something if they don’t want to, that would mean that other peoples time and opinions were as important as (or maybe more important than) theirs.

Does it sound like a bunch of three year olds, cause it sure feels like it. Logical arguments tend to piss these people off. Although they may be stupefied by them initially, they end up convincing themselves that there must have been something wrong with the argument “cause it just didn’t feel right.” (Translation: “It didn’t end up with me getting my way.”) Learning from mistakes has little or no place here. Its just an endless mental vomiting of whim and preference.

I’m not sure yet if I want to understand these people or not. I’m afraid I have too much in common with them already and it seems to be “catching”.

Stupid is contagious, are you a carrier?