Conspiracy Theory

In an evil attempt to reduce the size of the population an there by make them easier to control big business has hatched a scheme to kill consumers. Their plan is to add a compound of chlorine, the same chemical used in instantaneously deadly chlorine gas, to everyday consumable goods. They know that we will eat anything without looking at the ingredients or having those ingredients tested by our own third-party independent lab.

Early experiments with this compound have shown that, when introuduced into the ground, it can kill most any vegetation. Other observations have shown that high quantities of this compound mixed with dihydrogen monoxide or DHMO* can even kill hardy aquatic life, leading to "Dead Lakes and Seas". This option is always considered a last resort, but it has been used in a few situations with extreme results.

This compound, also known as Halite, has the chemical structure NaCl. The "Cl" part at the end stands for the Chlorine I mentioned earlier. Be on the lookout, it may already be in many of your groceries hidden under the misleading name of "sodium chloride".

*For more information about DHMO please visit the Dihydrogen Monoxide Research Division

China is at it again, first walls, then communism, now Avian Influenza. But is it really China trying to control their population explosion through disease or are they simply pawns in a much larger game of chess? An under-respected source has given me the inside info that Avian Influenza (Avian Flu) is in fact a cog in a plot by major pharmaceutical manufacturers to increase their failing profit margins.

What could be more profitable to cold and flu "medicine" makers than another flu season? It is bad enough that the cure to the flu has been kept secret from all but the super rich and powerful all these years, (I think we have all noticed that for all the hands politicians shake they never seem to get sick.) but to create a whole new flu just to add another flu season. That is simply unacceptable.

Submitted for your dis-approval, the truth behind Hurricane Katrina. I'm sure it comes as no shock to you to find out that George Bush caused Hurricane Katrina. Thanks to credible sources referred to me by Dan Rather and a rumor I heard on the playground, I think it is safe to say President Bush caused the Tsunami in East Asia.

But now sources, who must remain nameless for obvious reasons, have disclosed that Bush caused hurricane Katrina. Now you might be asking yourself, "Why would Bush cause a hurricane in his own country?" The following is an answer:

1) Causing a major natural disaster in America discourages us from believing that the President has a weather-controlling machine housed and maintained at his ranch in Texas.

2) Bush directly or indirectly owns every construction company in the world so he stands to gain from the rebuilding of an entire state.

3) Louisiana has a lot of cities with French names.

4) The oil cartels convinced him to hit a city with a refinery, so they could finally get the gas prices up to three dollars a gallon without too much complaining from the general public. (This is a whole other Conspiracy I will go into later if the aliens don't brain wash me into forgetting about it.)

5) Did I mention that there were a lot of French things there?

6) Louisiana was getting stinky and dirty and he thought it could use a good washing.

7) Finally, there was a bartender there that under poured a drink for him once and he wanted some closure about the whole incident.